"Joy to the world the Lord is come. Let Earth receive her king." (Isaac Watts)
"You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore." (Psalm 16:11)
"I have come that you might have life and have it abundantly." (John 10:10)
Recently, I was talking with a friend about his faith and he described his experience with God as fracking into the depths of a deep well of joy. This description feels so rich to me and akin to my own experiences of God’s love as an expansive pool that fuels my life. I hope you have experienced this deep connection as part of your faith, but I am well aware of how disconnected we can become with the challenges that life brings. Most of us struggle day-to-day and certainly overlook the joy and peace available to us through our beliefs and God’s presence in our lives.
Life can feel rushed and fraught with conflict. We are often pulled away from what matters most to us. We can feel fragmented, sometimes needing help discerning what is most important in the moment.
We face dilemmas—relational, ethical, and spiritual. I want to offer you a tool for discernment and focus this Advent, and encourage you to align your life with your deepest loves, paying attention to what brings you joy. Let me explain.
Think about moments when you have felt truly joyful. What was it about those moments? My guess is that if we were sitting together, you would tell me that they were full of meaning, connection, and love. Remarkably, those moments might sit adjacent to a struggle that you’ve overcome or a reconciliation, or some kind of relief from sorrow.
Tracing joyful moments can be powerful because they often offer insight into what matters most to you.
What my research shows is that joyful experiences are imbued with meaning, often sitting near sorrow. I’ve found that tracing joyful moments can be powerful because they often offer insight into what matters most to you, and what matters to you is usually intertwined with your deepest loves.
A theology of joy
One way of understanding how joy is connected to our loves is by considering the purposes for which God created us. As Christians we are called to become like Christ (Col. 1:3). When we follow the ways of Jesus and grow in character like Christ, we experience true joy.
When it comes to joy, it’s important to consider that we are not called to become uniform to Christ, but we are to become like Jesus as ourselves. One of my dear friends reminds me: “Jesus in Pam looks a lot like Pam.”
Joy is found when we are living into our uniqueness, strengths, and interests. Additionally, being made in God’s image requires that we pursue our uniqueness in unity—with God and with one another. Consequently, joy is deeply intertwined with our connection with one another. We experience joy as we become more fully ourselves—with and for others and God.
In a conversation with N. T. Wright, Miroslav Volf observes that joy occurs as we live into “the now and the not yet.” We rejoice in what we look forward to and enjoy the experiences we have now as embodied humans who are uniquely made to contribute to God’s kingdom. We must take seriously the words of Jesus when he said that he wanted us to live into the fullness of our lives.
Joy helps direct us to where we should take our lives.
We have work to do as humans. God has given us extraordinary bodies that allow us to feel, reflect, and regulate. Psychology helps us understand how God uses our emotions to provide us direction and insight into our deepest purposes—or loves. The powerful emotions of joy signal something to us about our giftedness, our relationships, and our values. Joy helps direct us to where we should take our lives, simultaneously fueling and encouraging us to live out our purpose and calling.
Connecting to what you love
True joy occurs when we are connected to our deepest loves, yet when we try to connect to our values and loves we can experience conflict between our emotions and our actions, even as we do what we think is right or correct. We might have to prioritize what’s most important at the moment, leading to a whole array of feelings.
For example, I am passionate about my research and want to share my learnings with others. In the thick of some exciting opportunities for Thrive Center earlier this year, my daughter became critically ill with a rare infection and was hospitalized. I was struck that even though her health was in jeopardy and I had to cancel trips and engagements, I experienced the most tender connection with her and moments of joy while caring for her during those precarious days in the hospital and healing at home. Out of habit, I reflected on feelings of joy—a kind of fracking into joy—so as the days passed in the hospital I became aware of the joy that was present.
At the same time, I felt anxiety over her unknown prognosis and gnawing feelings of neglect at work and letting others down. Those months were full of an array of feelings, yet joy was in the midst and tracing it to its source continues to give me insight into how I aim to order my life.
We often need a navigation tool for making difficult decisions. But thinking about what is ultimately meaningful as we navigate through turbulent waters requires a sense of where we are going and the ability to discern. Using joy as a navigation tool can be useful, but as we do we might not feel happy from moment to moment, because happiness is based upon our appraisal of circumstances outside of ourselves.
True joy abides in spite of circumstances.
There wasn’t much about my situation with my daughter or my conflicted feelings about work that was good. Both situations made me unhappy. But at the same time, I experienced true joy. True joy abides in spite of circumstances because it is based upon integrity and connection to our values, what we hold dear, and, for many, the hope for the “not yet” or what will be in Christ. While joy is accompanied by feelings like happiness, in the way I conceptualize it true joy is more about how we live than about how we feel.
Joy as discernment tool
In the day-to-day, we don’t usually experience the kind of dilemma I faced earlier this year. However, when we do face decisions, large or small, we can use joy as a discernment tool—a way of attuning to ourselves and becoming aware of everyday experiences of connection and meaning. Growing such awareness and attunement are tools to build a joy habit.
What might this look like? It might mean an end-of-day reflection on its “highs and lows.” Scanning your day for encounters with joy. Paying attention to how you feel when you finish an important project and considering what was important to you and life-giving? What was draining?
Because connection is central to joy, making joy a habit may mean overriding momentary frustrations and offering kindness, even when you feel like giving someone a piece of your mind. Often, joy is linked to sensory experiences and delight, so you might find it while baking cookies with a loved one, paying attention to the taste and smell of cinnamon as well as the laughter between you. It might mean realizing you should take some of those cookies to an elderly neighbor or to your local food bank.
Pay attention to these moments when you feel elevated and purposeful.
What’s important is to pay attention to these moments when you feel elevated and purposeful. At the end of day, can you trace joy? At the end of a week or month, can you trace patterns of joy? How do they point to what matters to you? And, especially during this busy season of Advent, how can you make choices accordingly? How can you align your daily life to pursuing or chasing joy?
How can you align your daily life to pursuing or chasing joy?
God calls us to be alive. After considering and practicing joy from this perspective, an attorney told me that she decided to quit her law firm because she realized that she would never be able to experience joy in the context of her current work. It did not align with her deepest values and beliefs, the people that she deeply connected with, or the types of activities and engagements that most animated her.
Tracing and chasing joy—so to speak—helps us become more intentional about how we live. Just think about it: right now we get to be alive!
One of my sweet joys occurs in my garden. I smell my roses and sometimes I photograph them, and I love to give them as gifts. I live in Southern California, so my roses bloom during Advent! Just being in my garden reminds me of God’s glorious creation and also of the fragility of life—the blooms only last a short while.
Leaning into joy
When we are experiencing joy, living out of our strengths and authentically connecting to others, contributing beyond ourselves, we are most fully alive, apt to glorify and serve God.
When we’re living into our gifts, we can do a lot more for God, our employers, and we can better serve our families. Joy is like a fuel that energizes us. And the amazing thing is that when we attune and become aware of joy, it illuminates our giftedness.
As we align our lives to what brings us joy, we develop a deep sense of coherence.
Joy is no ordinary emotion. I believe joy can promote individual well-being and the common good. It is a response to what should be, what could be, and, at some point, what will be.
Originally published by Fuller De Pree Center. Republished with permission.
Pamela Ebstyne King, Ph.D. has worked with the Thrive Center for Human Development since its inception in 2011. In 2021, she was named executive director of the Thrive Center and continues to serve as the Peter L. Benson Professor of Applied Developmental Science in Fuller’s School of Psychology & Marriage and Family Therapy. Dr. King’s work combines theology, empirical research, and community engagement to further understand what contexts and settings enable people to thrive.
