Providers of pastoral and psychological care for missionaries often encounter missionary families (or families that missionaries minister to) that have experienced various levels of trauma, which unfortunately can also involve children.
It’s no secret that trauma affects people in different ways; children are no different. Not every Christian worker around the world has immediate access to helpful counseling or trauma centers, therefore; it is important for missionary care specialists to have some basic tools and understanding for how we can help vulnerable children process their trauma.
Below are some practical tools.
I work part-time as a child trauma specialist at the Giannina Gaslini Institute in Genoa, Italy, working with patients from around the world who have experienced various levels of trauma. Every case is unique and the timeline for recovery varies, but below are some practical tools that our institute often uses in helping children talk about and process their trauma. These practices can be helpful for any ministry that has responsibility to care for children.
A. Mind mapping
In this activity we write a word in the middle of a sheet of paper, flip chart, whiteboard, or chalkboard (whatever you have available). In rural settings, I have even used a stick and wrote in the dirt. The word could be something simple, like "peace." Then ask the child to say words, thoughts, or ideas, colors, etc., that come to his or her mind when thinking of the word "peace".
As the child says each word, you draw a line out from the word peace and develop it further. For example, a child might say the word "safety", thus you would have a line like this: Peace---safety. Then you ask what safety means to them, and the child might say “my parents”, so now the line is: Peace-----Safety----Parents. You get the idea. Eventually the whole page is full.
The key points to observe are that often words like "peace" and "safety" mean totally different things to different children. In working with children from war-torn lands, they have never lived in what many Westerners would label as peaceful surroundings. Hence, for those children, being in peace meant being in the presence of a loved one and had nothing to do with what was going on outside of their own walls.
They could have been in the middle of a crossfire battle scene, but the fact that they were still with their parents meant to them that they were at peace.
Ultimately, for these children, they could have been in the middle of a crossfire battle scene, but the fact that they were still with their parents meant to them that they were at peace. Juxtapose that with a child from France who said that for him peace meant the absence of argument or disagreement. In their words, peace was "Silence, solitude, and agreement."
For a more mature teenager, we were able to go to a spiritual level. One child I worked with said being at peace, was resting in the presence of Jesus. When I asked him to mind-map what that looks like, the teenage boy thought of the repentant thief on the cross story (Luke 23:39-41) and said, when Jesus says “Now you will be with me in Paradise,” that this is was what peace must mean: to be with Jesus.
If we live in the presence of Jesus, our souls can still be at peace.
This led to a discussion of the teenager saying, that even though things around us can be in turmoil (as was for the repentant thief on the cross), if we live in the presence of Jesus, our souls can still be at peace. Profound! Mind mapping is a great tool to go deeper to discover what important concepts mean to each child at a very intimate level.
B. The 5 love languages
Many will be familiar with the book "The Five Love Languages," by Gary Chapman. It continues to be a useful tool that we use often in taking children through trauma. Naturally, we don’t sit and read the book with the young children, but we use some of the concepts, asking children to say, write, or draw how they feel loved.
It can be helpful to talk about the ways in which people feel loved.
For some children it is physical affection, other children might respond that they need words of affirmation and encouragement. Others only feel loved when they are being served or spend time with important people in their lives. Depending on the age of the child, it can be helpful to talk about the ways in which people feel loved, but also, to talk about how the children express love. Sometimes the way in which a child feels loved is different than the way he/she shows love.
For a child experiencing trauma, the presence or absence of love can be crucial. Sometimes our institute will ask a child who has experienced a trauma to draw a picture of when they last experienced or saw love. It is interesting that some children will mention, "when mommy and daddy gave me a hug and said everything will be okay."
Conversations with children about what it means to be cared for and loved are important.
One child from Ukraine drew a picture of aid workers providing food and clothing as Ukrainians entered Romania at the outbreak of the war. The child talked about how these acts of service were demonstrations of love. Conversations with children about what it means to be cared for and loved are important.
C. Object lessons
Sometimes it can be helpful to have a child create something out of Play-Doh, Lego, toothpicks, etc. For example, a tower or a boat. Then the carer introduces a minor trauma or "stresser" that ultimately damages and/or destroys the tower, or sinks the boat. We will ask the child to describe what happened in his or her own words and ultimately rebuild what has been destroyed. In this process, we will ask the child what would be helpful to make the tower stronger, more sturdy and what elements would he or she keep? Then, what needs to be replaced?
Missionary care specialists also use Kintsugi, the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by mending the areas of breakage with urushi lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum as an image of resilience. Many children are fascinated with these pottery jars, and it can be a useful tool to help children process trauma.
D. Movies
There are countless movies that are helpful to help children with trauma. One could watch “The Lion King,” and talk with a child about why it was important for Simba to return to Pride Rock and why it was a difficult and emotional journey. Movies can help open the child's ability to talk about trauma, enabling the carer to help them process their own.
E. Plants and colors
When working with children who have experienced trauma, aesthetics is important. Be conscientious of colors in the room and make sure that no flowers or plants are dying in the room. It is best to only have living and growing plants if possible. Drab colors and/or dead plants can be triggers for children who have experienced trauma.
Obviously, this is not an exhaustive list, but practices such as these are tremendously valuable for anyone seeking to care for children, or any vulnerable person, as they process their trauma toward well-being and growth.
Originally published by the Global Member Care Network. Republished with permission.
Mihai Lundell works for the organization One Challenge and lives in Genova, Italy caring for and coming alongside local pastors and Christian leaders. He is a member of the European (Missionary) Member Care Board, responsible for promoting care for missionaries in countries that have little to no care networks. Moreover, he serves on the Global Member Care Board as their European representative. Currently he collaborates with the Gaslini Institute in Genoa, Italy in child trauma counseling and works with UNICEF in crisis counseling in war-torn countries. He teaches and trains regularly in Europe on the subjects of Member Care essentials, inter-cultural communication, burnout, and child trauma.
