Churches can do better to help victims of abuse

When it comes to helping victims of abuse, the church is often seen to be lacking in rigorous responses. There can be a tendency to downplay the abuser’s actions and focus on the survivor’s response. This can lead to survivors seeking refuge in places outside the church, such as psychologists’ offices.

Instead of joining the crowd to accuse the church of not being a safe place, I decided to bite the bullet and trust a few people with my entire story. Everything from soup to nuts. A scary but worthwhile endeavor because I didn’t just want a sympathetic ear, but someone to point me towards ultimate truth: there is a God who cares. I found that the combination of healthy fellowship and sound biblical counseling went a long way towards my healing from abuse.

As Dr Henry Cloud observes in his lecture series on developing healthy boundaries, “If you have a bellybutton, you come from a dysfunctional family.” The church can also be seen as a dysfunctional family, with its varied parts that often seem at odds with one another. We still have miles to go in interpersonal soul care. The “one-anothering” exhorted throughout the New Testament is a work in progress. But this doesn’t mean God’s people can’t be an effective element in healing from abuse.

So, why do people struggle to turn to the church? What should we do about that? Does turning to psychology mean turning away from God? Where can and should those who have survived abuse turn? I’ll try answer those questions below.

Slow to seek refuge in the church

Toxic positivity is often what the church offers hurting folks who face abuse and abusive situations. Survivors are expected to accept the apologies of the abuser, and do all the work of forgiveness and reconciliation. The approach used by the church often rushes to defend perpetrators of abuse. Contrary to this, Jesus’ heart went out to the downtrodden and marginalized. The leaders who abused their power and position received sharp words from Christ, words that weren’t at all friendly or positive.

There’s also a lot of ends-justifying-the-means going on when it comes to accepting the apologies of an abuser. The hurt person is told that the abuser is not that bad of a person since they’ve accomplished certain goals in life. For example, Ravi Zacharias received a lot of this type of defense when his sins came to light. Because he had borne incredible witness to the gospel, many people were willing to offer up excuses for his awful behavior.

The church ought to be the safest place for a hurting Christian brother or sister. However, it is sometimes not. Hence the growing popularity of self-help resources within the church. Self-help resources are often rooted in pop-psychology without any dependence on Christ, which causes many biblical leaders to squirm with discomfort. A good leader pushes past the unpleasantness to try and understand psychology enough to see its attractions for his people.

Quick in turning to psychology

Psychology can offer accurate diagnoses of the human condition, but many of its solutions are often at odds with Christian faith principles. Psychology remains attractive though, because there seems to be a willingness—sadly not found in most churches—to address the tough stuff. In church, there seems to be a lot of reductionism of sin. What psychologists are quick to call pathological, a Christian will respond by saying ‘don’t judge lest ye be judged,’ or ‘they’re just sinners; we’re all sinners.’ It’s little wonder psychology is a huge draw for many hurt Christians.

But there is a happy place where Christianity and psychology meet, and that is in biblical counseling. Here, biblical categories of human behavior are used, such as ‘wicked’ and ‘good,’ instead of psychological ones. Survivors of abuse are reminded of the ultimate truths about the Christian faith and are gently taught to apply them to their specific situations. They are encouraged to pursue fellowship as emphasis is laid on the importance of church life. A good biblical counseling session will lead its benefactors back to God, from whom they can expect perfect justice and compassion.

There’s no lasting refuge without God

Ultimately, of course, we are to seek refuge in God. Psalm 62:8 calls us to trust in the Lord at all times, to pour out our heart before him because he is a refuge for us. But this can prove a challenge for some who through church experiences and severe hurts in their personal lives are left wondering if God actually cares about our emotions. The entirety of Psalms shows that God does.

Abuse survivors frequently ask, ‘where is God?’ Psalm 121:4 tells us that he neither sleeps nor slumbers and in Psalm 10:14 we see he takes careful note of mischief and vexation. The antidote to the darkness of dysfunction is the light of God. This light can be shed on hurt souls through worship and by fellowship with other believers.

For healing we need fellowship

Victims of abuse tend to lose their trust and faith in humanity. This can often translate to a loss of trust in God. But they can take heart because we serve a God who sees.

Finally, community is a very important part of the healing process. Dr Bessel van der Kolk, author of "The Body Keeps the Score" says “being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health.” The church can be that community for a hurt soul, provided it doesn’t minimize the egregious nature of sin, and provides compassionate justice to the survivors of abuse.

Originally published by TGC Africa. Republished with permission.

Tope Adebola worships at the Lekki plant of Sovereign Grace Bible Church in Lagos, Nigeria. She is fluent in English and Dutch, and can conduct (very) small talk in Yoruba and French. Tope’s areas of interest include trauma recovery and cultural captivity in the church.