You’re a good Christian friend. When you say you’re going to pray for someone, you do. You have a prayer journal and you sit down faithfully each day to pray for your friends. The trouble is, sometimes you just don’t know where to start, what should you pray? I mean, your friends are going through really difficult situations. One friend is battling cancer, another has just lost their job and another is struggling to raise that rebellious four-year old.
As much as you love your friends, when it comes to praying for them you feel completely overwhelmed and just can’t find the words to begin. I often feel this way. I get so burdened by the needs of others that it paralyses me into not praying for them at all. So, what can we be praying for our friend as they walk through suffering?
Using scripture to pray for your friend
At times like these I find it helpful, to consider the prayers God has given us in scripture. When we don’t have our own words, we can pray the words of the Psalms or the words of the apostles. The apostle Paul stands out as a prayer-warrior of note. In most of his letters to the churches, he includes a prayer for them which we can use as a framework for our own prayers.
We’ll consider his prayer for the Colossian church in particular. In Colossians 1:9-12 Paul says, “For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light.”
Pray for your friend to know God’s will
The first thing Paul prays for the Colossians is that they would know God’s will. He says "We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will…" (Colossians 1:9). God’s will refers to the Lord's ultimate plans for the world and how individual believers fit into this plan. God’s will also refers to the commandments and how Christians are called to live.
If we align our minds with God’s will then we will find that our desires and actions will follow suit. The problem is, we too often believe lies rather than the truth and these false beliefs can negatively influence our behavior with terrible consequences. Praying for someone to know God’s will is essentially a prayer for them to discern truth from lies.
Prayer is dependent on the Spirit’s revelation
It’s important to recognize, though, that as we pray for our friends to grow in the knowledge of God’s will, we are asking for something that is humanly impossible. Apart from Jesus, we cannot intimately know God and we can’t know his will, or at least we don't see a need to. That’s why Paul adds the important phrase "…through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives." (Colossians 1:9).
If your friend is going to know anything about God’s will, the Holy Spirit needs to give them spiritual understanding. As you pray for your friends, start by praying that God will teach them more about himself: his character, his ways and his desires for their lives. Pray that God will grow their understanding in the midst of the very difficult trials they are facing. It’s often in the dark places of life where we see the light of God most clearly.
So, this is what we pray: Holy Spirit, please show my friend more of you and your ways as (s)he walks through this trial.
Pray that your friend will be obedient to God
Growing in the knowledge of God is not an end in itself. Increased knowledge is meant to result in godly living and so this is what Paul prays for next. He prays "…that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work…" (Colossians 1:10). A Christian’s life no longer belongs to ones self. We are part of a new creation, newly motivated to live a life that pleases God. As we look to him every day, we become more and more like Jesus. But we can’t please God without the Lord's help. We need God's Spirit to convict us of sin, lead us to daily repentance, and cause us to love what God loves.
It’s a mysteriously beautiful thing, when you see a struggling believer fighting for godliness.
Prayer is dependent on God’s transformation
It can be especially difficult to please God when our world is falling apart. We can be tempted to think that it’s OK to give into sinful attitudes or practices. Or perhaps tell ourselves, God understands and will be OK with it. We know though, that true joy comes from pleasing God, not rebelling. So, as we pray for our friends, we need to ask God to enable them to be obedient to him even as they walk through suffering. Only God can enable and transform them.
It’s a mysteriously beautiful thing, when you see a struggling believer fighting for godliness. Their godliness is a witness to our great God who works in us what is not possible in our own strength.
So, this is what we pray: Lord, help my friend please you in every thought, deed and action no matter how difficult it may be.
Reshaping the way we pray for our friends
How do you normally pray for your friends? How do you pray for your friend when (s)he is suffering? What do you ask God for? I think if we’re honest we have to admit that our prayers are often very different from Paul’s. We tend to pray that God will take away our friend’s suffering, that the Spirit would bring him/her ease and comfort. However, Paul’s prayer reminds us that there are some things that are even more vital to pray for than an end to suffering.
What our friends need most of all, is to know God better and to obey God's will. So, let’s reshape our prayers with God’s priorities and wait expectantly to see how he will answer them.
Originally published by TGC Africa. Republished with permission.
Tarryn Jade Evans has lived in Cape Town, South Africa, all her life, so she is well and truly a Capetonian. She is a qualified dietitian, studying at Stellenbosch University and later working for the Department of Health in Khayelitsha. She then went to theological college to do an undergraduate degree, continuing to do an honors degree as well. Right now, she’s part of the ministry team at St Stephens Bible Church in Claremont, where she serves as women’s worker. For fun Tarryn loves to do quizzes of all sorts. She also plays piano, sings, and likes trying out new recipes.
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The views expressed in this or any other opinion article do not necessarily reflect the views of Christian Daily International.
